I just can’t

Some days, I just can’t.

I can’t focus. I can’t be productive. I can’t motivate myself. I can’t stare at the computer a minute longer. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!

Days like that are frustrating, but there’s always the hope that tomorrow will be a better day. I’ll handle more of the items on my agenda. I’ll final accomplish that looming task. I’ll be ready to get the job done.

It’s a real problem when one of those days turns into three of four consecutive days of “I can’t!” What’s a body to do? I know that there are things that need my attention. I know that avoiding them will not make things better. Every attempt to push through just results in barely making a dent in anything. That’s when I just want to pull the covers over my head and pretend I have no responsibilities and no need to get out of bed.

I’m in the midst of several consecutive days of the “I can’t” syndrome. The situation is made worse because I have no energy and I’m not feeling 100%. I’m hoping that a weekend trip to see my family will help kick me back in gear. But there are things that I absolutely have to get done before I head to the airport on Friday morning. The tasks are daunting and I’m struggling to even begin to think about it. Because I feel overwhelmed at the moment, I can’t fathom accomplishing anything by just taking “one bite of the elephant at a time.”

Yeah….I’m struggling with some major “I can’t” issues at the moment. Hopefully a restful night will put me in a better mood tomorrow and give me a more positive outlook to get back in the driver’s seat and turn the “I can’t” attitude around.

Only in Wally World

Wal-mart is an Arkansas institution. With its headquarters in Bentonville, the state is understandably proud of its most profitable business. I appreciate the good work that Wal-mart does for communities around the country. I understand that it is incredibly convenient to have a one-stop shopping experience. I get it….and I still hate the store and avoid the crowds at all cost!

I hate the parking lots that are a zoo where people seem to forget all the laws of driving. I hate the fact that items seem to be moved to a different location weekly. I hate the shopping carts that never seem to have four working wheels. I really hate the crowded aisles…..although it can sometimes be entertaining to view the “people of Wal-mart” in their natural habitat. (Admit it, you also go into the store wondering why someone didn’t tell them that the look was not appropriate for general consumption!)

When I have to get items from Wal-mart, I take advantage of the pick-up service to avoid setting foot in the store. I’m convinced that the people who staff that area are much more happy because they get to escape the madness on a regular basis. Last week, I didn’t plan my life as well as I should have and found that I simply had to make a Wal-mart run or not eat for a few days.

I sat in the parking lot and carefully made my list so I wouldn’t get distracted by conveniently placed displays. I only needed five small items, so there was no need to wrestle with a shopping cart. Carrying everything in my arms would allow me to zip through the aisles quickly, get the items on my list, and then get the heck out the door.

I grabbed a half-gallon of milk – the last item on my list – and made my way toward the express lanes. As I headed down the center aisle, I glanced to my left in case I had forgotten something that I needed. Above all, I wanted to make sure I didn’t have to come back inside the store. That’s when I heard the fateful “Excuse me?” I tried to keep walking, assuming that the woman could not be calling me since I hadn’t seen anyone I recognized. Of course, my curiosity got the best of me and I glanced back….and there she was. “Excuse me, can you help me?” This was not the interruption I wanted on my lazy afternoon. I was just dashing in to grab a few things and my hands were full!

The woman was probably in her early 60s and her shopping cart was full of items. My first thought was to tell her that I didn’t work for the retail chain or that I was really in a rush and needed to be on my way. The good angel on my other shoulder told me to stop and see what the woman needed. (Truthfully, it was probably the voice of my mother threatening me with a wet noodle if I didn’t help this lady. Some things never change!)

I walked over to the woman’s shopping basket. That’s when she proceeded to tell me that she needed two additional 24-packs of Dr. Pepper placed in her cart and she wondered if I could help her. Her request irritated me initially. She already had one box of the beverage in her cart and my hands were clearly full. Was I really supposed to place all of my items on a shelf, rearrange the items in her cart to make sure that nothing was crushed, and then take the drinks off the shelf for her? Doesn’t she know what an inconvenience this is? That’s when she said, “I’m sorry to bother you, but there was no one else who looked as though they might help.”

And that’s when I told her it was no problem, put down my things, and helped her. We briefly made conversation as I saw the items in her cart and mentioned that it looked as though there was going to be quite a celebration at her place this evening. “Oh, these things are not for me. I’m a care giver. My new client is not doing well, so when she told me she had been craving a few food items I offered to make a shopping trip for her.” Talk about putting things back into perspective! I was worried about the inconvenience that loading 2 boxes of drinks would have on my day. As I finished placing things for her, I was ashamed of my initial response and thanked her for the important work that she does so lovingly for those who most need her help.

I made the quick drive to my apartment complex and unloaded my two bags. After putting things away, I sat down to finish reading the day’s Scripture reading that I had begun earlier. Tears welled in my eyes as I read this passage from Matthew 25:

Then the righteous will answer him, saying “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?”. . .And the King will answer them, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:37-40, ESV)

I wasn’t looking for a life lesson in Wal-mart, but I think I got one that I won’t soon forget.

Am I Good Enough?

It’s a question that we have all asked ourselves at one time or another. Am I good enough? Can I really accomplish what I have set out to do? The voices of criticism and failure in our head become so loud that we inevitably begin to self destruct. We stay in a destructive relationship rather than facing the accusing voices that we will never be loved. We doubt our ability to succeed as a student because the inner critic — often disguised as a former teacher — declares us stupid or unable to master the material. As musicians, we sabotage our performances before we even take the stage because we are so convinced that the outcome will be tragic. Self-doubt can be crippling! However, we do not have to accept a life-sentence and continue listening to the inner critics that torment us. I have struggled with self-doubt for many years. The voices have not been completely silenced, but I now know how to quiet them. Here are some of the tips that I have learned that have proven extremely helpful.

Identify the source of the self-doubt. Is there a voice that you hear from your inner critic? Perhaps it comes in the voice of an overly critical teacher, a demanding parent, or a sibling or significant other who proclaimed you would never become anything of worth. Sometimes the source of criticism is your own response to a past failure. Once you have identified the source, you can now begin to deal with the problem at its core.

Expose the lie! It’s time to face the criticism head on — once and for all. Try to see the situation from a new point of view. Was the comment that continues to haunt you said in anger, jealousy, or ignorance? Was it the result of domestic or verbal abuse that you experienced? Once you can identify the source and determine that it is a lie, then you can begin to speak new words of truth into your life.  Some of my favorite statements that I make to myself include:

• My past does not define my future.
• A single failed attempt does not mean anything….except that I tried! That’s more than some people can say because they continue to live in fear of failure.
• Failures are part of the development and growth process. If I don’t try something, I cannot learn how to accomplish anything.
• As a Christian, I hold to the promise that “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13, NASB)

If necessary, seek professional help. There is no shame in seeking out the services of a trained professional to help you work through the struggles of dealing with self-doubt. Counseling is a wonderful resource that can provide you with a confidant who can look at the situation objectively and provide suggestions for moving through the difficult times.

Change your thought process. Now that you know that the inner critic is not speaking truth into your life, change the message that you are hearing in your head. Speak words of success to yourself. Turn all of those “I can’t….” statements into phrases like “I’m working on it” or “I’m learning how to do it.” Sometimes it is necessary to realize that the negativity is also coming from a friend; if you find that someone is triggering those negative feelings within you, it may be time to generate some distance between you and the negative person.

Celebrate the little victories. Maybe you can’t achieve your goal right away (most of us can’t!), but notice the small successes that come each day and celebrate those. Give yourself a pat on the back when you make some headway and realize that this is the beginning of your path to success. Your journey may not look like anyone else’s, but remember that your ultimate goal is success and happiness.

Above all, determine to stay the course. There will be challenging days. That’s normal. Just keep moving toward your goal and continue to silence the voices that bring you down.

 

Ever Felt Like a Failure?

Let’s just be honest with ourselves. No one is successful in every pursuit they make. In those times that our best efforts don’t lead to the outcome we had hoped to obtain, we can feel as though we were not good enough. There may have been contributing factors to our failure such as lack of manpower or inadequate materials. Truthfully, sometimes failure comes because we had the right idea at the wrong time. Despite all of the explanations in the world, it becomes very easy to allow the blame for the project’s failure to land squarely on our shoulders. That’s never a good feeling.

Dealing with past failures can continue for many years as well. Sometimes a new failure brings to mind the pain of a past shortfall. A wayward comment can cause us to remember the frustration of a day gone by. Currently, social media is a major player in my personal feelings of past failings. I see repeated posts and photos about projects I was involved with in a previous life. I recall the frustration and pain of trying to do the important work when no one was willing to help. Now I see a team that is excited and working together. I watch the very ones who repeatedly met my pleas for help with resounding “no’s” now jumping into the middle of the work. Quite simply, it’s hard to watch because it makes me wonder what is wrong with me. Why were people so unwilling to help? Did I not deserve their help? Was I too demanding as a leader? Was I a weak leader they could not follow? Did they just not care? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Don’t get me wrong. In the big scheme of things, I’m very happy to see that such important work has finally gotten the attention it deserves. I’m glad to see that things are flourishing. I just find myself feeling more and more like a failure. It makes me wonder if I was just “getting in the way” of real success for far too long. I wonder if these people ever stop to think how their posts might impact me……or if they even care.

Do I really believe that season of my life was a complete waste? Not entirely. I think I got caught in a terribly difficult time that caused lots of people to say “no.” My superiors were either not aware of the issues or simply chose to turn a blind eye — I don’t guess I’ll ever really know the answer to that one — and I found myself doing the best I could in a crappy situation. I found myself fighting battles that couldn’t be won because of destructive forces at work that attempted to wreak havoc on me personally, professionally, ministerally and spiritually. I was forced to push my hurt down so no one else would be offended — never mind the fact that I had been terribly offended. Thankfully, I’m in a much better situation now in every area of my life than I was in those days, but the reality of those past failures still stings. Unfortunately, the trauma of that season of my life has resulted in my choice to no longer be actively involved in a similar leadership position. I just can’t take the hatefulness that results in such positions any more. Now I just wonder if the hurt will ever completely heal. Things are better than they were…..but the ache and hurt is still very real.

This is definitely not what I expected to come from my keyboard when I sat down to write, but here it is. I feel certain that my future posts will not be quite as gloomy. But it’s just another example of what is going on in my mind while I’m here just Livin’ Life.

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Dealing with the Silence

Life in west Texas is exciting and new. For the first time, I am enjoying the opportunity to live without consideration for the schedules of family members. I’m alone…..so that means the only schedule that I have to abide by is my own.

Once the newness of my situation sank in, I also had to come to grips with some of the implications of being alone. There are lots of quiet times to spend with my own thoughts. If I’m not careful, these “quiet” times can become very lonely. I quickly realized that I had to learn the difference between “being alone” and “being lonely.” It’s nice to be alone with my own thoughts occasionally. I enjoy the relaxed pace of life as a bachelor. When the tide turns and I begin to experience loneliness, I have found a few tricks to help me navigate the dark times and turn my attitude around.

• Establish a Routine. Even though a solitary lifestyle does not demand conforming to the schedules of other people, establishing a regular routine for your activities can provide a sense of security in times of uncertainty. The routine also causes the mind to focus on important events that are coming on the horizon. If I have a chore to complete sometime in the future, I am less likely to object to the calm times that can sometimes lead to loneliness.
• Remind Yourself of Activities You Enjoy Doing Alone. If you are anything like me, there are multiple activities that I personally enjoy that had to take a backseat to other people’s schedules. Now that I’m living alone, I have time to devote to these — and can even make them a priority. I’m finding time to sit and listen to an album, read a short story, and complete jigsaw puzzles and craft projects that had been tossed aside for many years. However, it is also important that you understand that the activity’s pleasure does not replace your need for human interaction.
• Seek Social Situations. As we encounter people throughout our day, it is important that the single person recognize and embrace opportunities to enjoy the company of others in social situations. It can be easy to turn down an invitation to a movie night or a dinner outing when we feel as though we are going to be a “third wheel.” Look for other singles who might be looking for a friend. They are everywhere around you — at work, next door, and in the church. Remember that you are not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship and trust that others understand this concept as well. Don’t let society’s ideas about your life — and the perceived relationships you should have in your life — impact your pursuit of honest friendships.
• Regularly Access Your Emotional Condition. You know when loneliness is plaguing you better than anyone else. When your emotions are hitting the skids, take the initiative and make the necessary steps to pull yourself out of the dumps. If you have struggled with depression in the past, it is imperative that you have a trusted friend to whom you will be accountable.
• Take Advantage of Technology. With email, cell phones, and social media, it is very easy to stay in touch with those most important to us — regardless of the distance that separates us. When words just won’t suffice, go for face-to-face interactions through apps such as Skype and FaceTime. A video chat will help to alleviate the loneliness and tide you over until you are able to make a trip to see your loved ones in person.

I’ve learned a lot in the past month about dealing with the silence and overcoming the problems of loneliness. At times, I now find that I greatly value being alone with my thoughts and resent interruptions from the outside world — even when those interrupting have the best of intentions. Even in those times of solitude, I know that it is important that I stay connected with others as I continue to learn how best to deal with the silence of life.

 

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Unpleasant (But Necessary) Work

There are certain tasks we all despise. We will do anything to delay the unpleasant duty. We know that the work becomes more intense the longer we avoid it, but still we choose to enjoy our current decision to delay the inevitable. Why is it so easy to put off dealing with an unpleasant necessity? When will we learn that quick action will ultimately give us greater relief and rest?

I’m struggling with this right now. If there is one task I hate, it is the tediousness of packing. I’m excited to move and look forward to the adventures that await. I realize that I will want my belongings with me when I arrive. I’m certain that boxing things up gradually will make the process easier. Still, I would much rather watch paint dry than pack another box!

The issue is not one of laziness (although I can enjoy a lazy day with the best of them). I think my issue is one of control. What if I pack something and then realize that I need it again? Right now, I can easily lay my hands on things. Once things go into boxes, despite my best labeling efforts, they are essentially lost to me. The more things I pack, the more I feel completely out of control in my world until I arrive in Texas.

It’s also due to the enormous size of the task. After packing things up for a week, it doesn’t appear that I’ve made any progress. Truthfully, the added boxes just feel as though there is more to deal with and I question if I’ll be ready for the move in time. Offers to help with the packing from family just make me more overwhelmed. In order to let them help, I have to be able to give instructions on what needs to go. In some ways, I think it would be easier to pack the entire house instead of gathering my belongings that are located throughout my parents’ home.

Lastly, it’s difficult to pack since I don’t know where I’m going. I have not secured housing in Plainview yet. So I don’t know how much room I will realistically have. How much furniture will I need? Will there be enough space or do I need to edit my belongings while packing? I am not terribly stressed about my Texas living options yet, but I know that finally having a new home waiting for me will give me a fire to get ready for the move. Until then, I had better get back to packing!

Plagiarism: An Issue of Laziness, Ignorance, or Immorality?

Plagiarism has become a national epidemic. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the term in the following way:

plagiarize – /transitive verb/ – to steal or pass off (the ideas or words of another) as one’s own; use (another’s production) without crediting the source.

plagiarize – /intransitive verb/ – to commit literary theft; present as new and original an idea or product derived from an existing source.

We most commonly expect to find cases of plagiarism in student academic papers, but the crisis reaches into other arenas as well. Many politicians have been accused of plagiarizing speeches, including Rand Paul and President Barack Obama. Musicians — from Mozart to George Harrison — have allegedly “borrowed” melodies from other sources without providing credit. The issue has even reached the pulpits of the nation’s churches; the case of Marc Driscoll in Seattle immediately comes to mind. To be clear, I am not stating that any of the above referenced accusations were valid; still, the problem seems to exist in our society today.

Why is plagiarism such a problem in our nation? I think that there are several issues here that we must realize and begin to take steps to correct. First, plagiarism is often associated with simple laziness. If a person is writing a document or presenting a speech and refuses to invest the time to develop their own thoughts into an original piece of work, there is nothing else I can attribute it to than laziness. It appears that they are simply looking for the easy way to fulfill the requirements of their class or job. Sadly, the use of the Internet has made plagiarism much easier to commit — and easier to catch.

Sometimes plagiarism might be a result of ignorance. A writer may lack the tools to produce an original work. Training in research and writing may be needed. Even if they try to create something new, the uninformed writer may begin to experience levels of frustration that leads them to look for an easier way of producing the document. While ignorance is an understandable excuse for plagiarism, it is not an acceptable excuse. The result is still unethical and criminal.

Sadly, many think that attribution alone is enough to avoid the theft of ideas and material. For example, I recently sat in an audience listening to a speaker and found myself quite bored. I noticed that the accompanying projection mentioned that the lecture was “inspired by” another author. I decided to google the topic and referenced author and found a document with the same title as the presentation which I was currently hearing. As I opened the file, I soon realized that the speaker was reading the material I was seeing online verbatim. Did this speaker really think that by simply including the author’s name that it was fine to exclusively use the words of another? I’m sorry…..adding a few personal comments that account for less than 5% of your presentation is not producing new material! (As a general rule, no paper, article, speech, or sermon should include more than 30% of other people’s material. People are listening to you because they want to know what you have to say on a given topic. In regards to the above referenced speaker, this is not the first incident of plagiarism that I have observed occurring.)

Let’s look at the immorality of plagiarism briefly. First of all, when one plagiarizes they are knowingly stealing the material of another. Plagiarism has been discussed in classes throughout our country and addressed by major news agencies. Ignorance is not a defense. When one is caught plagiarizing, the reputation of the guilty party (whether written or orally presented) is destroyed. It effects the level of trust that we place in what they have to say. We must also question their ethics in other areas.  If the speaker is willing to act immorally in this area, what other aspects of life are they living in grey areas? Finally, plagiarism implied that the speaker is not an authority on the subject or in their discipline. If you can’t come up with original material that might be supported by carefully researched supplementary material, why should I listen to you? I can seek out the same material online that you are currently presenting as your own material.

How do we stop the cycle of plagiarism? First we have to examine our own work. Unintentional plagiarism can happen to anyone. If it is a recurring problem — if everything I write is solely based on another’s thoughts — I have to admit that there is a problem. Once we admit there is a problem that is unethical, we seek help. Community colleges, seminars, and seminaries offer classes that will train speakers and writers to develop their own ideas, research the topics, and build their own written material. In the process, we also learn appropriate citation techniques for written documents as well as public speaking. (Attention should also be given to citation for slide presentations that accompany our public speeches.) Finally, we have to accept no compromise. The issue is not whether or not we have been caught plagiarizing; it’s a question of our personal morality.

What are your feelings about the nation’s plagiarism crisis? I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below.