That Was a Flop!

I enjoy trying new recipes in the kitchen (as long as I don’t have to clean up the mess). I especially enjoy baking. Since Sunday was Father’s Day, I decided to try my hand at a lemon meringue pie on Saturday. Lemon pies have long been Pop’s favorite dessert — and since it would just be me and the Geriatrics together on Sunday, this was the perfect opportunity to try out a new recipe.

Saturday morning began with squeezing LOTS of lemons in order to use fresh lemon juice in the curd. As Mom and I began to beat the sugar and eggs together, it became obvious that this recipe was going to create a massive batch of curd. This was our first attempt at making a fresh curd, so we really didn’t know what to expect. How hard could it be to cook the mixture until it became thick, right? The recipe said the mixture would thicken after 4-5 minutes of heating. By that point, the concoction had slightly thickened, but I feared it wasn’t enough. Still, you have to trust the recipe the first time, right?

As we poured the “curd” into the pie shell, it became clear that it wouldn’t set. Then we convinced ourselves that baking the pie in the oven for 15 minutes (as directed by the recipe) would solve the problem of the texture. Fifteen minutes later, our pie had a golden brown top — not at all what I expected for a lemon meringue pie — that looked as though an ocean was rolling just beneath the surface. There was nothing that could be done now but to continue following the recipe and allow the pie to set in the fridge overnight.

On Sunday morning, Mom and I moved to the meringue itself. I’ve made traditional meringues many times, so I wasn’t overly worried about this part of the process. The difference, however, came in the addition of a sugar syrup that would be cooked on the stove before it got added to the egg whites. Nothing too difficult here. Combine water and sugar, insert candy thermometer, and cook to soft ball stage. This weekend, we used a new thermometer. I’m still not sure what happened to this part of the process. The bottom of the thermometer was in the liquid, but did not touch the bottom of the pan. The heat was set to medium. The temperature barely registered 200 degrees. The mess in the bottom of the pan had passed soft ball and moved to hard cracked and burned. I attempted to pour any of the sugar mixture into the meringue, but there was nothing flowing from the pot. My lemon meringue pie would now be served as a lemon pie.

After Father’s Day lunch, it was time to cut into my science experiment. The first cut suggested a fate far worse than it actually was. Lemon juice began to flow on top of the pie. I was certain that no part of the pie had managed to set. Yes, there was a substantial amount of liquid in the pie plate after I removed the first slice, but it wasn’t a pool. And somehow the crust had managed to avoid becoming soggy! The taste was a different story. Tart does not sufficiently describe this lemon pie. “Pucker-inducing Face Slap” might be a better description! Needless to say, the experiment was put out of its misery and immediately made its way to the trash. Luckily, the rest of the meal had been a tremendous success!

Will this be my last attempt at a lemon meringue pie? Not on your life! I hate the feeling of being defeated in any endeavor. I’m just taking a little time to let my taste buds recover from the lemony shock before I begin searching for a new recipe that will hopefully lead to a more successful result.

Am I Good Enough?

It’s a question that we have all asked ourselves at one time or another. Am I good enough? Can I really accomplish what I have set out to do? The voices of criticism and failure in our head become so loud that we inevitably begin to self destruct. We stay in a destructive relationship rather than facing the accusing voices that we will never be loved. We doubt our ability to succeed as a student because the inner critic — often disguised as a former teacher — declares us stupid or unable to master the material. As musicians, we sabotage our performances before we even take the stage because we are so convinced that the outcome will be tragic. Self-doubt can be crippling! However, we do not have to accept a life-sentence and continue listening to the inner critics that torment us. I have struggled with self-doubt for many years. The voices have not been completely silenced, but I now know how to quiet them. Here are some of the tips that I have learned that have proven extremely helpful.

Identify the source of the self-doubt. Is there a voice that you hear from your inner critic? Perhaps it comes in the voice of an overly critical teacher, a demanding parent, or a sibling or significant other who proclaimed you would never become anything of worth. Sometimes the source of criticism is your own response to a past failure. Once you have identified the source, you can now begin to deal with the problem at its core.

Expose the lie! It’s time to face the criticism head on — once and for all. Try to see the situation from a new point of view. Was the comment that continues to haunt you said in anger, jealousy, or ignorance? Was it the result of domestic or verbal abuse that you experienced? Once you can identify the source and determine that it is a lie, then you can begin to speak new words of truth into your life.  Some of my favorite statements that I make to myself include:

• My past does not define my future.
• A single failed attempt does not mean anything….except that I tried! That’s more than some people can say because they continue to live in fear of failure.
• Failures are part of the development and growth process. If I don’t try something, I cannot learn how to accomplish anything.
• As a Christian, I hold to the promise that “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13, NASB)

If necessary, seek professional help. There is no shame in seeking out the services of a trained professional to help you work through the struggles of dealing with self-doubt. Counseling is a wonderful resource that can provide you with a confidant who can look at the situation objectively and provide suggestions for moving through the difficult times.

Change your thought process. Now that you know that the inner critic is not speaking truth into your life, change the message that you are hearing in your head. Speak words of success to yourself. Turn all of those “I can’t….” statements into phrases like “I’m working on it” or “I’m learning how to do it.” Sometimes it is necessary to realize that the negativity is also coming from a friend; if you find that someone is triggering those negative feelings within you, it may be time to generate some distance between you and the negative person.

Celebrate the little victories. Maybe you can’t achieve your goal right away (most of us can’t!), but notice the small successes that come each day and celebrate those. Give yourself a pat on the back when you make some headway and realize that this is the beginning of your path to success. Your journey may not look like anyone else’s, but remember that your ultimate goal is success and happiness.

Above all, determine to stay the course. There will be challenging days. That’s normal. Just keep moving toward your goal and continue to silence the voices that bring you down.

 

Ever Felt Like a Failure?

Let’s just be honest with ourselves. No one is successful in every pursuit they make. In those times that our best efforts don’t lead to the outcome we had hoped to obtain, we can feel as though we were not good enough. There may have been contributing factors to our failure such as lack of manpower or inadequate materials. Truthfully, sometimes failure comes because we had the right idea at the wrong time. Despite all of the explanations in the world, it becomes very easy to allow the blame for the project’s failure to land squarely on our shoulders. That’s never a good feeling.

Dealing with past failures can continue for many years as well. Sometimes a new failure brings to mind the pain of a past shortfall. A wayward comment can cause us to remember the frustration of a day gone by. Currently, social media is a major player in my personal feelings of past failings. I see repeated posts and photos about projects I was involved with in a previous life. I recall the frustration and pain of trying to do the important work when no one was willing to help. Now I see a team that is excited and working together. I watch the very ones who repeatedly met my pleas for help with resounding “no’s” now jumping into the middle of the work. Quite simply, it’s hard to watch because it makes me wonder what is wrong with me. Why were people so unwilling to help? Did I not deserve their help? Was I too demanding as a leader? Was I a weak leader they could not follow? Did they just not care? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Don’t get me wrong. In the big scheme of things, I’m very happy to see that such important work has finally gotten the attention it deserves. I’m glad to see that things are flourishing. I just find myself feeling more and more like a failure. It makes me wonder if I was just “getting in the way” of real success for far too long. I wonder if these people ever stop to think how their posts might impact me……or if they even care.

Do I really believe that season of my life was a complete waste? Not entirely. I think I got caught in a terribly difficult time that caused lots of people to say “no.” My superiors were either not aware of the issues or simply chose to turn a blind eye — I don’t guess I’ll ever really know the answer to that one — and I found myself doing the best I could in a crappy situation. I found myself fighting battles that couldn’t be won because of destructive forces at work that attempted to wreak havoc on me personally, professionally, ministerally and spiritually. I was forced to push my hurt down so no one else would be offended — never mind the fact that I had been terribly offended. Thankfully, I’m in a much better situation now in every area of my life than I was in those days, but the reality of those past failures still stings. Unfortunately, the trauma of that season of my life has resulted in my choice to no longer be actively involved in a similar leadership position. I just can’t take the hatefulness that results in such positions any more. Now I just wonder if the hurt will ever completely heal. Things are better than they were…..but the ache and hurt is still very real.

This is definitely not what I expected to come from my keyboard when I sat down to write, but here it is. I feel certain that my future posts will not be quite as gloomy. But it’s just another example of what is going on in my mind while I’m here just Livin’ Life.

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