Daily Dribble – June 4, 2020

Today was a challenging day. I was just sad much of the day. I think I was continuing to think about Matt’s death.

Knowing I Am Loved

I knew that the day was starting off to be tough, so I determined to record a hymn arrangement to see if that would help me express some of my emotions. While I was sitting at the piano, I got a text message from my kid. He just wanted to check on me and make sure I was doing okay. He said he knew it had been a tough couple of weeks and that he was thinking about me. It was the perfect affirmation that I really needed to hear today.

Banking Challenges

The Geriatrics received their stimulus check in the form of a Visa ATM card. Neither of them deal with debit cards at all and I feared that Dad was going to lose the card, so I recommended to him that he take it to the bank to have the cash transferred into his banking account. This afternoon, he shared with me this insane process the bank teller told him he would have to go through in order to do that. You have got to be kidding me? The bank is going to require my 80+-year-old parents to visit the ATM on 3 different days to withdraw money, then wait to go through the drive-thru window to deposit the same cash into the same institution that they just withdrew the money from. How does this make sense?

I was convinced that the teller did not understand what Pop was asking them to do, so I called the main office of the bank to speak with someone. I was told the same thing and was a little flabbergasted. I confirmed that the woman understood that we were talking about a stimulus package from the United States government. She knew I was irritated when I confirmed that a paper check could be deposited in its entirety, but a debit card cannot be transferred to their account even though it is issued by the very same institution. When I further made note of the fact that my parents fall into the very category of high risk individuals we are trying to protect during this pandemic, yet their financial institution is requiring them to leave the safety of their home on THREE SEPARATE OCCASIONS to complete the banking transaction…..I think she got the message that I was just a wee bit irritated. Mom and Dad have already been thinking about moving their accounts from Regions Bank for a while. This is probably a new level of stupidity that will seal that deal.

Wasting My Time

Why do parents feel the need to force their children to take piano lessons if they are not going to make sure that the child actually practices between lessons? Don’t toss it in my lap that you don’t know what the assignment is each week…..especially when both parents are musicians. My time is too valuable to be wasted on uninterested students. I can also devote that time to students who actually WANT to study with me. I guess I’m becoming a hard hearted teacher in my old age!

Daily Dribble – June 3, 2020

A Sad Occasion

This afternoon, I attended the funeral for Matt Robbins. It was such as sad event. It became very clear to me that the person I knew was not the man that others present knew. I suppose that is why the event was so sad for me. I left with the realization that people that I trust and respect knew a very different Matt than the one I endured. I don’t know what brought about Matt’s disdain for me. I suppose I will never know. Comments made today about the transformation that occurred later in life leaves me with hope that I just came into the picture during a season when Matt was less than welcoming. Tonight, I’m filled with regret that I did not have the opportunity to meet the man that sounds as though he would be a loyal and devoted friend. The worst part is that I really don’t think there is anything I could have done to change the situation.

Privilege to Serve

Despite my personal experience with Matt, two friends were struggling with his passing. I had the distinct honor to offer support and love to them today. One — I have known since high school and cherished for many years. The other was nothing more than an acquaintence while I was at Pepperdine. In recent weeks, I became a source of information and I think I showed him that I wanted to treat him with respect and was sensitive to the hurt that comes with losing a friend. Matt was a member of my fraternity — even if we were not actives at the same time. Even though he did everything in his power to keep me from becoming a Lambda all those years ago. Still, because of the common experiences we shared and my commitment to the brotherhood, I owed it to him to serve those whom he loved and who loved him dearly. I can rest in the knowledge that I did the very best job I could.

Daily Dribble – June 2, 2020

Connecting With Friends

Death is sadly one way when people are brought back together to reconnect. This evening, I attended the visitation for Matthew Robbins. I walked in and paid my respects, then made my way directly over to where I saw classmates sitting together in the sanctuary. It was so good to have a few minutes to reconnect with Lori, Janet, Angie, and Stephen. The reason that brought us together was tragic and sorrowful, but it was wonderful to be together in our time of grief. I forget how much I did enjoy this group of people. I have a tendency to focus on the people that made life less than pleasant during my high school years. It’s nice to see that there are better memories there.

Awkward Introductions

Over the past few weeks, I have connected with many people that I have never actually met in person. As I shared updates on Matt, lots of people followed along since my profile can be viewed by the public — one of the things that my career requires. One of the people that I met was a charming man from Dallas, Chris. Our conversations online have been very friendly and we have shared stories and hurt as we grieve for Matt and his family. Tonight, I finally met Chris in person….and I was terribly awkward. I was trying to figure out how to navigate my way through time with high school friends. It also didn’t feel like the appropriate time to simply have a conversation and getting to know this man better. I hope to be able to adequately convey that feeling in the days following the services. Chris seems like a really neat guy that I would enjoy getting to know. I just wish that I had met him in a different circumstance. Death sucks!

Rocking a Headache

Life got busy this afternoon and I didn’t take the time to eat lunch. As dinner time was rolling around, I was beginning to get a headache. For some reason, Mom was delaying dinner tonight….still not entirely sure what was going on there. I went to the living room and asked how much longer it would be until we ate. She got supper going, but not before I developed a headache that would not be mollified! Lesson learned. I have got to make sure that I schedule lunch daily — and actually eat something, whether I really want to or not!

 

Daily Dribble – June 1, 2020

Another month is here. My summer break is going to be over before it feels it has even really begun.

Wasted Time

There are few things that irritate me more than having my time wasted. I had a lesson scheduled this afternoon. I planned the entire day around it, making sure I was sitting at the piano in plenty of time to teach my student. I placed the call and there was no answer. Actually, one of the parents — had to invite both to the meeting since they can never clarify who is actually accepting the call on any given lesson — rejected the call. After 10 minutes of waiting, I decided that it wasn’t going to happen. I finally got a message an hour later explaining that they had been out running errands and Mom had left her phone at home. Like the understanding teacher, I got to express how I understood that things like that can happen and that we can just pick up next week. What I really wanted to say was that I deserve a little more respect than that! How frickin’ hard is it to notify someone in advance that you cannot keep a commitment? If the roles had been reversed, I would be crucified for not keeping my commitments. To say that I am fed up with this family — since this is not the first time this crap has happened — is a bit of an understatement.

The Last Five Years

I decided to watch the movie of the musical that I adore. The music is amazing. It’s a production that I have always wanted to be involved with ever since I first heard the soundtrack. Anna Kendrick reminds me too much of every half-baked soprano that has ever hoped to play Cathy. Jeremy Jordan, on the other hand, is a voice that I could listen to in almost any contemporary role. He is really quite talented. Tonight was the first time I actually watched the film in its entirety….and I can’t decide which character I think is a bigger pile of doo. I suppose it was the perfect ending to a not-so-perfect beginning to the month of June. Thankfully, tomorrow is another day!

Daily Dribble – May 31. 2020

Lazy Sunday

I have to admit that I am enjoying Sundays during quarantine. After having so many years of having to think through wardrobe so carefully for Sunday services and often finding myself uncomfortable for a sixth day of the week, the casualness of Sunday has been a welcome change of pace. Today, I spent the entire day in my pajamas again. (I’m doing that more and more often!) I’m taking time to worship for sure. I’m just enjoying the relaxed approach….and I think God is honored in that. In many ways, this time of slower weekends has been a blessing in disguise.

Afternoon Movie

While sitting in the dining room, I watched the Geriatrics flipping through channels. That habit absolutely drives me nuts! Find the guide, make a selection, and watch. Since I was coming to a stopping point in my own project, I asked if they wanted to watch a movie. Of course, Mom is always up for a good movie — as long as it is not nap time! I switched over to Netflix and pulled up Julie and Julia. That is such a cute film with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. I first saw it in theaters when it first came out, but Mom hadn’t seen it yet. (I never have to wonder if Dad has seen a movie or not. He refuses to visit theaters — even though Mom repeatedly asks — so unless it is an old western, he knows nothing about films.) We really enjoyed watching the film together and laughing at the hysterical food antics by both women.

 

Daily Dribble – May 30, 2020

Tastes of Home

There are always certain foods that remind me of the comforts of home. I’ve enjoyed a couple of those in the past few days. While I was in graduate school, Mom and I discovered a Paula Deen recipe for a chicken cordon bleu casserole that was an instant hit. It quickly became a staple in Mom’s kitchen because of how easy it was to prepare. Last night, I got to enjoy this fairly recent favorite…..and I’m looking forward to polishing off the leftovers for lunch tomorrow!

Breakfast has always been somewhat non-traditional in the Geriatric Ward. On Sunday mornings, we would typically have a standard breakfast in preparation for the morning of worship services ahead. During the week, however, breakfast normally consisted of snack cakes and a Coke as a child. There was one special treat that I always looked forward to….and would ask for fairly frequently — Chocolate Gravy! Don’t judge me! Warm gravy made of cocoa, sugar, flour, and milk that is poured over warm biscuits and melting butter…..that’s just wonderful stuff right there! Mom made a batch of the liquid gold this morning. It was a little sweeter than normal (yes, that is possible!), but it was still quite tasty. Now, where did I put the insulin again?

Going Stir Crazy

Since arriving at the Geriatric Ward last weekend, I have not been outside of the house. This afternoon, I just needed to escape for a little while….plus, I was having withdrawals from not going to the craft store in a few days. So I grabbed my list and headed to Michael’s in East Memphis. Picked up some things for an upcoming project, but couldn’t get everything there. That was okay…just gave me an excuse to make a quick trip to the Hobby Lobby on Exeter as well. I was good. I wore my mask everywhere and maintained social distancing as much as possible. The stores were not terribly crowded and everyone was very respectful. More than anything, it just felt good to be out and about for a bit. The Sonic Coke and time to listen to the New York Times Book Review podcast was what I was most looking forward to.

Daily Dribble – May 29, 2020

Today has been a tough day! Here’s the scoop….

Napping All Day Long

Last night, I was very restless with an upset tummy. Very little sleep for this old soul in the Geriatric Ward at all. When I finally realized that I was not going back to sleep, I got out of bed and started facing the day. Luckily, the other patients were out and about most of the day. That meant I was able to catch a few cat naps on the couch throughout the day so I didn’t feel completely worthless all day long. Didn’t accomplish much at all….besides a little napping, a little television, a little napping again….you get the picture!

Daily Dribble – May 28, 2020

Thursdays are incredibly long, challenging days. I survived another one and am really looking forward to beginning the weekend!

Virtual Lessons

I never know from week to week how the lessons happening on Thursdays are going to go. Today was mostly a good day. No one pitched a fit, so that’s an enormous plus. One of my students presents an enormous question. I can’t tell if the student is simply lazy and doesn’t want to work or if they lack the ability to read notes on the page. I am truly perplexed! Attempting to teach a virtual lesson does not make the situation any easier either.

I Actually Did Something In Advance

One of the annual responsibilities of my job is the preparation of a faculty activity report. I despise trying to create this document every year. It makes me very tired to look at everything I have done in the past academic year and remember the highs and lows. The report is due tomorrow and I got mine sent in today. That’s not the surprising part though. I decided to take a look in the file where I keep my copies of these reports from years past and discovered that I had already saved one with this academic year listed. When I opened it, I realized that I had actually started to prepare the document back in February! Praises!!! That meant I only had to adjust a few things that were planned for the end of the term and did not happen because of COVID. Then add a few items that popped up as a result of quarantine and — VOILA! — a completed document. Yeah for me!

 

Daily Dribble – May 27, 2020

Matt Robbins

I woke to the news that Matt Robbins passed away early this morning at about 3:30. That single piece of news began to shape my entire day. I immediately began sharing private messages with people who would want to know right away and then posted to the brotherhood. After waiting for the family to make some morning calls and have some uninterrupted time together, I posted publicly and the questions and comments began to roll. I spent much of my day trying to assist those who loved Matt so much and anticipate that I will continue to pass along information until all of the memorial services are over. I haven’t done any of this for praise. I simply wanted to share information with my fraternity brothers about another brother. It was an act of service that all Lambdas deserve.

There’s Really Nothing Else to Say

I’ve been distracted all day long. My heart has hurt for so many people today and my mind has been wandering. My heart breaks for Don, Charlotte, Donald, and Stephen. I have bonded online with people who were following Matt’s progress. I mourn for a 6-year-old child I have never met. I am quite confused about my own emotions and exactly how I am feeling today. In spite of it all, I know that Matt is in the arms of a loving God tonight. For those of us who are dealing with his passing and the plethora of emotions that come with it, we are depending on God to be a Comfort to the brokenhearted.

Daily Dribble – May 26, 2020

Tough News

This morning, I received some tough news regarding Matt Robbins. With each hour, it seems as though his time on earth is coming to an end. I cannot imagine the grief that is consuming his parents and siblings. This simply is not the way things are supposed to happen. I have found myself in the unique place of sharing updates with his friends — some that I know, some I don’t — and have heard their expressions of friendship and concern. It is certainly a testament to Matt’s character to hear all of these statements of a life well lived. I only hope that someday people will speak of me with the same fondness when my life is coming to an end.

Picking Up a Book Again

For the past couple of weeks, I have been very negligent in my daily reading. I have books to read that interest me. I know the importance of the routine. I am simply burned out from all things intellectual at the moment. I just don’t want to use my brain. The end of the semester has led to a desire to just let my brain turn to mush for a little while. This morning, I finally picked up a book again and started reading. It was nothing earth- shattering or thought-provoking. It was simply an enjoyable read. I only got in 30 minutes of reading, but it is progress and I will take it. Now I just need to repeat it again tomorrow.