Current Struggles

Feb 17 – What are you struggling with the most right now?

At the close of this Monday back in the office, I’m not sure how much I really want to face the struggle that is currently dominating my world. But this is a place for me to be honest. So here goes…..my biggest struggle right now is dealing with the negativity that is so pervasive in my world at the moment.

I can already hear many telling me to hold the presses a second. I’m calling people out for being negative? Me, of all people? I know, I know. I can get into a negative mindset in a moment. I suppose that is part of the reason why I’m struggling with it so much right now. I’m in a fairly good head space, finding lots of hope for the future and pleased with some current trends that I am sensing.

Others don’t appear so hopeful. There’s negativity over relationships. People are upset about a lack of connection in their group. Some are fretting over the future of the school because of challenges related to tuition and recruitment. A boy doesn’t like the way a girl looked at him across the room. A student is convinced that a professor absolutely hates them.

Negativity is like a cancer. It spreads quickly and without warning. It can choke the life out of anyone in a moment. Even the most optimistic among us can become susceptible to its pull when we are faced with negative attitudes repeatedly. It is destructive. It becomes a downward spiral that seems to have no escape.

So I find myself burrowing away when the negativity in my world becomes so immense. It’s not that I don’t want to be with my friends. That’s not the case at all. I just have to choose my battles carefully and fight to overcome the negativity that would like to overwhelm me. I know that I am in the greatest danger of giving in to the negative thoughts when I am tired or feeling overwhelmed. With my past history with depression, I have to know my limits and protect myself at all costs. I choose to fight for my personal feelings of hopefulness and peace.

Does this mean I’m upset with those around me who are struggling at the moment? Not at all! I’ve been there before and know that I will be there again sometime in the future. Some of my friends just need time to rejuvenate and find themselves again. Some need stress to be relieved. Others need to find emotional health. All of us — me included — need to remember to look to Jesus in our times of greatest negativity and allow Him to restore our hope.

The Return of My Winter Visitor

Winter is officially here. Days get cold and the skies turn dark. Typically, I get sick early in the season. Nature is dormant and all of the world seems dead. Everything we see encourages us to huddle inside in our desperate attempt to stay warm.

Winter also means that it is time to return to Texas. It is time to leave the comfort of home and the joy of the holidays. For weeks, I have been surrounded by the lights of the tree, the relaxed pace of Christmas vacation, fulfilling dinners with the family, and the warmth of the family hearth. Now it’s time to exchange all of the activity for a quiet apartment and nights alone.

It is time for the annual appearance of my least favorite visitor — Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD). Like many who have battled depression, January tends to be a difficult month for me. The struggle continues until Spring begins to appear and life returns to the world. Thankfully, I have learned to manage my struggle over the years. Here are some of the things that I have found most helpful in dealing with Seasonal Depression. 

• Acknowledge that you have a problem. Depression is no longer a taboo topic and does not carry the stigma it once did. Neither is it an illness that one simply has to “deal with.” Help is available — ranging from medication to talk therapy. As soon as you admit that you need help and begin to seek it out, you are on the path to recovery.
• Stay connected. Depression will cause us to want to withdraw from connecting with people. Part of the recovery process involves being very intentional in maintaining contact with friends and family. Friends and family aren’t around? There are other ways to be around people that share common interests — get involved in a local church body, volunteer with a service organization, or join a community group.
• Escape the cold! Winter weather and the absence of light can often be a trigger for those who suffer with SAD. Try escaping virtually through a book, movie, or music. Look for warm weather settings or things that remind you of summer memories. If possible, try to take a mini-vacation to a warmer climate or an interesting locale. Every year, I intentionally schedule a weekend getaway in the middle of January.  This year, I’m joining a few friends in southern California for a mental health escape.
• Don’t underestimate the power of being cozy. Sweaters, warm jackets, scarfs, and favored blankets can help to change your mood quickly simply by providing some physical warmth. The extra weight can remind the sufferer of a hug, providing comfort in challenging moments. Monitor your mood (and the weather!) and make wardrobe choices that will provide you extra comfort on those days you need it most.
• Count down to enjoyable events. Sometimes it can seem that things will never change during the cold winter months. I find it helpful to look forward to several upcoming events that I’m excited about during the season. These might include trips as well as movie releases, family holidays, and other events. Keep the countdown in a visible place that you will see daily and make it part of your daily routine.
• Notice change as it occurs. There is nothing better than seeing signs that life is returning to the natural world. Even if you are not typically a “lover of nature” (I’m not!), it can be very helpful to notice the signs that Spring is coming. Watch for the first buds on the trees. Listen for the return of the birds’ songs. Feel the gradual warming of the breeze. 

I must tell you that these tips are based simply in my personal experiences. If possible, you should seek out the advice of a medical professional as you deal with Seasonal Affect Disorder and other forms of Depression. Regardless of what your struggle is, know that there is hope and help available for you.

The Evasiveness of Happiness

Have you ever felt like happiness was nowhere to be found? No matter what you try, you simply can’t find satisfaction. When happiness seems elusive, here are a few things to consider. One of them may just be the root of your problem.

• You tend to focus on the negative. Some of us are wired to be pessimists. We naturally see the half-empty glass. It takes time, but it is possible to consciously shift your focus. Begin by determining to set aside moments in each day to reflect on the good things that have happened. There may be times that the only thing you can say is “I’m still breathing.” That’s fine…..find the joy in that. As you practice seeking out the positive in life, it will become easier to find and more natural to you.
• Loneliness. I know from personal experience that it is completely possible to be surrounded by people and still feel as though you are completely alone. This may be due to your perception that everyone has let you down or that you are unlovable. Perhaps you struggle trusting others enough to establish a meaningful relationship. Seek out opportunities to spend time with other people in non-threatening situations. Have dinner with a small group. Get involved in a club. Make conversation with the person running on the next treadmill or sitting in the next cubicle. No matter how short the interaction, push yourself to go outside of your comfort zone on a regular basis. Socializing becomes easier with time — even for the shy ones like me!
• You are not actively pursuing your life’s purpose or passion. It’s not a great mystery what your passion is. What is that thing that really makes you feel that something should be done? Maybe you have a heart for kids…..or animals…..or single mothers……or feeding the poor…..or cleaning littered streets. It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering to anyone else; if the cause is important to you, it’s important! Now find a way to make a difference. You might volunteer with an organization on a regular basis. Your schedule won’t allow a regular commitment? Fine! There are lots of one-time events that you can be involved in that will make a difference. As you begin to give of your time and abilities, you will begin to feel that you are not simply taking up space in the universe. You are a contributing member that is making a difference….and that sense of purpose will ultimately lead to joy.
• You may be facing health issues. Depression is a very real illness that plagues millions of people. It can have an impact upon your physical health. It can effect your work performance. It can cause distress in family relationships and friendships. Because it is an illness, there is no shame in seeking professional help from a qualified professional. Think about it. If a physician told you that you had a life-threatening illness like cancer that could be treated, wouldn’t you get the help so you could go on with your life? Depression is just as debilitating as cancer….and just as treatable! (Trust me, I know, because I’m one who has been treated and has learned how to manage the condition.)
• Maybe you are just stuck in a rut. When life seems to be monotonous, happiness can be zapped. So change things up a little. Try something new. Stop by the park on the way home for a quick hike. Plan to take in a play or concert. Grab a picnic basket, blanket, and book to head out for a personal retreat. Treat yourself to a spa day. Give yourself permission to take care of you and let everything else be put on hold temporarily. It may be just what the doctor ordered!

We are not designed to live life for long seasons without experiencing happiness. Joy is ultimately the source of our strength! (See Nehemiah 8:10.)

If you are struggling with finding happiness, I highly recommend the book Feeling Good by David D. Burns, M.D. It was an important tool in my own journey as I learned to deal with depression and unhappiness.