Whatcha Doin’?

With that simple question, an adventure began on Monday afternoon. Last Saturday afternoon, I sent a quick email to my nieces, asking when they would like to get together and just have an afternoon of fun. I left the planning to them (with a couple of suggestions) and decided to see where things would go. Late Sunday afternoon, I got the reply; they wanted to go to the Memphis zoo on Monday afternoon. We spent a few hours together and had a wonderful time.

Why do I even bother to mention such a mundane experience? Because I think that the simple question that ignited the conversation needs to be asked by adults more often. My nieces have had a less-than-easy life. They have watched their parents’ marriage end and experienced the frustrations and stresses that come with being raised in a single-parent home. Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not assigning blame to anyone. That’s simply the fact of the situation. The girls live with my sister and have very few positive interactions with men on a regular basis.

When I asked them to spend some time with me, I thought I would simply provide an escape from the four walls of their apartment during the summer break. If that’s all I accomplished, that would certainly be worth the effort. As we walked through the zoo, ate lunch together, and headed to the bookstore (youth literacy is a personal passion for me), I learned things about them and their lives that I had no clue about. By simply being with them and listening to their words, I had opportunity to speak positively into their lives while gaining insight into areas that need prayer. And it all started with a simple question.

At home that night, I watched the series premiere of The Fosters on ABC family. (I’ll write more about my feelings of that television program in a later post.) The Fosters traces the lives of a non-traditional family who has been actively involved in the child foster care system. As the show’s opening episode depicted the challenges faced by children and teens in our nation, I noticed a recurring theme. We all have something that we can give to these precious treasures of our society. If I don’t pour into the children and teens in my sphere of influence, someone else will. The problem is that what’s being poured into the children may not necessarily be positive. When children are desperate for love and attention, they will take it however (and from whomever) they can get it!

So I ask you the same question I asked the girls: Whatcha doin’? There is a generation of kids growing up all around us that need to know that they are important. Are you willing to be part of the solution or are you just going to sit by and watch as their generation is caught up in political correctness, questionable moral choices, and indifference? Certainly you should invest in the children in your family. But what about the kid around the corner that your child hangs out with? Who’s influencing them? The good news is that it can be you, if you’re willing to make a little effort.

Here’s my challenge to you today. Take a look around you and see a child in your sphere of influence that needs encouragement, mentoring, or simply a little human love. Allow the Holy Spirit to give you direction. Take 15-minutes out of your day and listen to what they have to say. How do you get a child to talk? It normally works best over a scoop of ice cream, a glass of lemonade, or while tossing a ball around in the park. Don’t say the challenge is too tough; make the effort, watch the joy that you can bring to the life of a child or teen, and get ready for a flood of love from Heaven above! I promise that you’ll be glad you made the effort.

Father Figures

I’ve been thinking about the concept of fathers this week. No need to worry….I don’t have an announcement to make! As I have looked at our society, I see how important the role is. Is it feasible that some of the problems people face today is because they lacked a strong father figure in their own life? As I thought about the spiritual implications, it seems that our relationship with the Heavenly Father often reflects our interaction with our natural father. That puts a lot of responsibility on any man who plans to be called “father.”

What are the responsibilities of a father? I’m not a father, so obviously I’m coming at this from the perspective of a child only. Here are some of the things that have been in my thoughts this week.

• Example and Teacher. A father models many roles that will play out in their children’s future life. Want to have a good guess about the type of man a girl will be drawn to and consider marrying? Look at her father.  How will a boy treat his future wife? He’ll tend to follow the example of his father’s interaction with his mother. Fathers also teach children the value of hard work and strength tempered with gentleness.
• Protector. A child’s sense of safety is often linked to the presence of Dad. A father is to protect his children from all threats — whether they are real or imagined. A father who fails to protect his children through neglect or abuse is setting them up for difficulties in trusting others and believing that they are worthy of being safe. (As a side note, I personally feel that there are few crimes that are more heinous than abuse against a child in any form — physical, emotional, or verbal. I believe these men are among the vilest creatures who deserve the maximum punishment allowed by our courts!)
• Affirming. Sadly, it seems that this responsibility is often left solely to the mother. Moms naturally provide encouragement to their children as they rejoice over their successes and help them get up after failures. Children desperately want to hear from their father that he’s proud of them. This means that the father must be attentive to the child’s interest and be informed about how things work.  In other words, if your daughter is taking ballet lessons, it will go a long way if Dad knows the difference between a pirouette and a tutu!  
• Involved. “Actions speak louder than words.” While your child longs to hear that you are proud of them, she also wants to spend time with you. This can be intimidating for a father who doesn’t share common interest with the child…..and as the years go on, the chasm becomes wider. From a child’s perspective, it’s actually pretty simple. Take your elementary student outside on a Saturday morning and build something together or wash the car. Unexpectedly have a special treat for your pre-teen when dropping them off for school. Plop down on the couch with your teen and challenge them to a video game. Your involvement opens lines of communication that will be a blessing to the child in years to come.

What happens if a child misses out on these aspects of their father? There are no absolute guarantees, but I do see some potential problems spiritually. Children with absent dads (either physically or emotionally) can experience difficulty relating to God the Father. Those who have received little affirmation from Dad sometimes find themselves working so hard to gain God’s approval. When the natural father didn’t care enough to be involved in the child’s life, it can be hard to believe that God would ever be interested in what’s going on with me. 

What do you think are some of the most important characteristics of a father? If they are absent in a child’s life, what might be some of the future implications emotionally or spiritually? Men, is there a child in your sphere of influence who needs a father figure in their life?  If so, consider stepping up and being a positive influence in their life!

Influences from the Past

Last week, Mom and I went to dinner at a local restaurant. As we were being led to our table, I noticed a gentleman who I recognized but couldn’t immediately place. As we ordered and talked, I continued to notice the man and racked my brain to place him. When I finally figure out who he was, Mr. Runions had already gotten up and begun to make his way to my table. Richard Runions was the principal of West Memphis Christian School when I finally had the opportunity to transfer. Although the interaction in Cracker Barrel was very brief, it was nice to hear from a man who I have admired since first meeting him and who made such a powerful impact on my life as a teen.

I have been blessed to have many men and women speak powerfully into my life over the years. While some of them were teachers and pastors, others were simply friends of the family who saw potential in me and decided to pour deeply into my young life. I am convinced that the presence of these leaders in my life during my formative teen years is a major factor in the person that I have become.

Because I have reaped the benefits of their passion for young people, I have tried to consistently invest in the lives of young people throughout my adult life. My involvement in children and youth ministry over the years has been a major outlet. My chosen profession also has everything to do with the impact so many of my teachers and professors made on me. My hope is that I can provide a new generation of students with the confidence that they can succeed in life and that they can find new depths of spiritual maturity as they pursue Christ with humble devotion and sincere worship.

Who were major influences in your life as a young person? Have you told them the impact they have made? This might be the perfect time to make a phone call or to send an email. I’m certain it would be a bright spot in their day! The more important question, I believe, is who are you INTENTIONALLY POURING INTO today? Regardless of your position, there is a child or teen looking to you for encouragement and affirmation. Don’t let another day pass without speaking life into the heart of the next generation!