Dealing with the Silence

Life in west Texas is exciting and new. For the first time, I am enjoying the opportunity to live without consideration for the schedules of family members. I’m alone…..so that means the only schedule that I have to abide by is my own.

Once the newness of my situation sank in, I also had to come to grips with some of the implications of being alone. There are lots of quiet times to spend with my own thoughts. If I’m not careful, these “quiet” times can become very lonely. I quickly realized that I had to learn the difference between “being alone” and “being lonely.” It’s nice to be alone with my own thoughts occasionally. I enjoy the relaxed pace of life as a bachelor. When the tide turns and I begin to experience loneliness, I have found a few tricks to help me navigate the dark times and turn my attitude around.

• Establish a Routine. Even though a solitary lifestyle does not demand conforming to the schedules of other people, establishing a regular routine for your activities can provide a sense of security in times of uncertainty. The routine also causes the mind to focus on important events that are coming on the horizon. If I have a chore to complete sometime in the future, I am less likely to object to the calm times that can sometimes lead to loneliness.
• Remind Yourself of Activities You Enjoy Doing Alone. If you are anything like me, there are multiple activities that I personally enjoy that had to take a backseat to other people’s schedules. Now that I’m living alone, I have time to devote to these — and can even make them a priority. I’m finding time to sit and listen to an album, read a short story, and complete jigsaw puzzles and craft projects that had been tossed aside for many years. However, it is also important that you understand that the activity’s pleasure does not replace your need for human interaction.
• Seek Social Situations. As we encounter people throughout our day, it is important that the single person recognize and embrace opportunities to enjoy the company of others in social situations. It can be easy to turn down an invitation to a movie night or a dinner outing when we feel as though we are going to be a “third wheel.” Look for other singles who might be looking for a friend. They are everywhere around you — at work, next door, and in the church. Remember that you are not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship and trust that others understand this concept as well. Don’t let society’s ideas about your life — and the perceived relationships you should have in your life — impact your pursuit of honest friendships.
• Regularly Access Your Emotional Condition. You know when loneliness is plaguing you better than anyone else. When your emotions are hitting the skids, take the initiative and make the necessary steps to pull yourself out of the dumps. If you have struggled with depression in the past, it is imperative that you have a trusted friend to whom you will be accountable.
• Take Advantage of Technology. With email, cell phones, and social media, it is very easy to stay in touch with those most important to us — regardless of the distance that separates us. When words just won’t suffice, go for face-to-face interactions through apps such as Skype and FaceTime. A video chat will help to alleviate the loneliness and tide you over until you are able to make a trip to see your loved ones in person.

I’ve learned a lot in the past month about dealing with the silence and overcoming the problems of loneliness. At times, I now find that I greatly value being alone with my thoughts and resent interruptions from the outside world — even when those interrupting have the best of intentions. Even in those times of solitude, I know that it is important that I stay connected with others as I continue to learn how best to deal with the silence of life.

 

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Making a House a Home

In just a few short weeks, I’ll begin the process of setting up my new home in Texas. As I’ve been going through the process of finding a place to live, I’ve been thinking about what I consider important in a home. Of course, I want a clean place that is in a safe neighborhood. What I’ve been thinking about are those things that will make an apartment or house feel like home.

At the top of my list is music. I had briefly contemplated leaving my piano in Arkansas to make the move easier. I was simply going to rely on the instrument in my office for all of my practice needs. Then I began to think of the times I just want to relax with the soothing sounds of the piano and the times that my prayers are played rather than spoken. It became clear that my Boston studio piano will be a welcome companion on this journey.

I also need my reading nook to feel at home. I find comfort in being surrounded by the books I treasure and escaping the daily routine with an enthralling novel and a cold soda in hand. The only part of my reading nook that is currently missing is the perfect chair….and I am on a personal odyssey to locate it in the upcoming weeks. (UPDATE….I purchased a chocolate reclining chair since writing this post. The chair will be delivered at the end of the month and I anticipate spending many hours lounging in it with a good book in my hands.)

Lastly, my home has to be filled with memories. I don’t tend to surround myself with photos. Instead, I find that I prefer items that spark a memory. Whether I’m lounging under an orange blanket, making dinner using utensils from my childhood home, or admiring a framed puzzle, these cherished items remind me of love and laughter while connecting me to friends and family who are not close by. After all, it’s not stuff that makes a house a home; it’s the assurance that the place is filled with love.

Unpleasant (But Necessary) Work

There are certain tasks we all despise. We will do anything to delay the unpleasant duty. We know that the work becomes more intense the longer we avoid it, but still we choose to enjoy our current decision to delay the inevitable. Why is it so easy to put off dealing with an unpleasant necessity? When will we learn that quick action will ultimately give us greater relief and rest?

I’m struggling with this right now. If there is one task I hate, it is the tediousness of packing. I’m excited to move and look forward to the adventures that await. I realize that I will want my belongings with me when I arrive. I’m certain that boxing things up gradually will make the process easier. Still, I would much rather watch paint dry than pack another box!

The issue is not one of laziness (although I can enjoy a lazy day with the best of them). I think my issue is one of control. What if I pack something and then realize that I need it again? Right now, I can easily lay my hands on things. Once things go into boxes, despite my best labeling efforts, they are essentially lost to me. The more things I pack, the more I feel completely out of control in my world until I arrive in Texas.

It’s also due to the enormous size of the task. After packing things up for a week, it doesn’t appear that I’ve made any progress. Truthfully, the added boxes just feel as though there is more to deal with and I question if I’ll be ready for the move in time. Offers to help with the packing from family just make me more overwhelmed. In order to let them help, I have to be able to give instructions on what needs to go. In some ways, I think it would be easier to pack the entire house instead of gathering my belongings that are located throughout my parents’ home.

Lastly, it’s difficult to pack since I don’t know where I’m going. I have not secured housing in Plainview yet. So I don’t know how much room I will realistically have. How much furniture will I need? Will there be enough space or do I need to edit my belongings while packing? I am not terribly stressed about my Texas living options yet, but I know that finally having a new home waiting for me will give me a fire to get ready for the move. Until then, I had better get back to packing!

Making an Impact

As I continue to make preparations to move to Plainview, I’m also finding it necessary to close things here in Memphis. With each announcement of my new adventure, I repeatedly find myself surprised by some of the people with whom I have interacted and hopefully have impacted in a positive way. Last night featured one such encounter I didn’t expect to have such a powerful effect on me.

I have been teaching at Bartlett Music Academy for nearly eight months. I have maintained a small studio and enjoyed working with the kids. Last night was the final session of a theory camp including a young man who has struggled in his private lessons, but has made significant strides in his reading and rhythm skills in our brief time together. This boy came to know me because his younger sister is one of my piano students. After our class together, J. informed me that his family had a card for me.

I accompanied J. to his family’s van. From the back emerged a teary-eyed girl who stretched out a card and gave me a huge embrace. As her dad looked on, he explained that L. had just learned earlier in the day of my departure. The student could say nothing; I was fighting tears as well. In that moment, nothing else mattered more than the realization that I had significantly influenced this precious child.

Isn’t that what we all want — to know that our efforts have made a difference? I’m not looking forward to Saturday’s piano lessons. I expect some more difficult goodbyes. But I also have the confidence that even though the time I spent with these students was short, I am leaving them better than they were first introduced to me. My prayer is that my impact has extended beyond the music and that they are confident that their teacher cared for them deeply.

Boxes Everywhere

This year, my July 4 celebration is not being marked with fireworks. I’m celebrating freedom with moving boxes. It’s hard to believe that I will be leaving my home in less than a month to begin the next chapter of my life in west Texas. I hate packing and have to admit that it feels a little overwhelming, so I decided to get started right away and hope that a slower pace makes the process more manageable. This week, I hit my library and began boxing up books. This is the point where I feel I need to sit in a circle and begin my comments with “My name is Ken and I am obsessed with books.” I suppose it is a problem that comes with many years of school — not to mention a degree in English literature — and a love for a good story. So far, there are 25 boxes filled with novels and reference books in front of my bookshelves; one bookcase still needs to be packed as well as random books lying around the house. Then it will be time to begin working on my musical scores.

I don’t know WHERE I’ll be living in Texas yet since on-campus housing is not an option, but I know that I’ll find a place. For now, I’m going to enjoy the holiday weekend with my family while I continue to pack and celebrate my new-found freedom that comes with employment.

Can you tell that there’s a mixture of excitement and stress in my voice? Would you really expect anything else? Luckily, the excitement is outweighing the stress.