First Love

Feb 8 – What do you remember about falling in love for the first time?

Throughout my pre-teen and teen years, I found myself infatuated with girls. I thought this one was cute and that one would be really cool to get to know better. But because I was so extremely shy and awkward without the benefit of strong men in my life, I never took the plunge and asked a girl out on a date.

When I got to college, I joined a fraternity — one of the best decisions I ever made — and found myself interacting with more women. I also found that I needed to ask girls out on dates more often. Generally, I would ask girls that I was already friends with in order to keep things relaxed and low stress. Then I met her….

I was probably in my senior year when I first met a beautiful young woman and truly got to know her. We had several classes together and shared the stage from time to time. I was quite comfortable around her. I think our first “date” was a non-date. I had bought a couple of tickets to see Miss Saigon in Hollywood for me and a fraternity brother. Something came up and he wasn’t able to go….so I decided to ask her to join me instead. It was a nice evening and very laid back.

As I began to realize that I was developing feelings for this talented woman, I finally worked up the courage to ask her out. There was a group event coming up that I needed to attend and plus-ones were expected. I asked her to the event and she said yes. I was over the moon…..for a little while anyway…..

What I didn’t know (although it was assumed that I did)…..was that my roommate and best friend was also interested in the same girl. Andy had also asked the same woman to the same event within an hour of my invite. Oh crap! Andy was furious and the young woman was confused. I think she saw or heard the fireworks as she walked by our apartment. Anyway, she called me later that evening to talk about things. While she wanted to go to the event — it was a really neat activity in Los Angeles that several of her friends were also going to — she didn’t want to be the cause of conflict between the two of us guys.

So I played the part of the mature one and said that I was totally in the wrong. I told her that Andy had mentioned that he was going to ask her out and I had just misunderstood that the invitation was for this event. I swallowed my pride and told her that I was willing to withdraw my invite so she could accept Andy’s. I assured her that there would be no hurt feelings and that this would not make things awkward between us. What else could I do? Andy was the handsome guy that I could actually see her having a future with (although the two of them did not end up in a long-term relationship ultimately). I then proceeded to tell Andy that his friendship was more important to me than a single date with a girl…..and that he should talk to her again. I anticipated that she would give him a positive answer this time.

In reality, I was heart-broken. I hadn’t told anyone that I was really falling hard for this girl. Honestly, I had not yet admitted it to myself. The event was fun, but it was also awkward. I wanted to be sitting with her, but also felt I needed to give my roommate some space after the awkward turn of events. I was very glad to return to Malibu and let life get back to normal.

Andy’s interest in this young woman was short-lived. There were other dates, but nothing serious ever developed. Ultimately, Andy and I would leave Pepperdine on bad terms that would take years to mend. Truthfully, our friendship has never recovered from the strain we experienced at the end of our college careers. Both Andy and the object of our mutual affections (at the time) are now happily married. I couldn’t be happier for both of them. But I will always wonder “what if” about the first time I asked a woman out that I truly had feelings for that were greater than that of just friendship.

Up for a New Challenge

Sometimes everyone just needs a challenge. Something that pushes them out of their comfort zone. Something that will stretch the brain a bit. Something that will keep the mind sharp and always learning.

For Christmas, I gave Mom her first iPad. At first, she was apprehensive — even questioning the practicality of such a gift. I assured her that we would learn just a few things every few days so she could feel comfortable with the item. My first lesson was a simple but important one: you really cannot mess anything up.

We started by exploring the plethora of interesting items on Pinterest. Mom’s eyes nearly exploded as she looked with wonder at all of the recipes and home remedies that were easily at her fingertips. As she continued to explore, she began to ask questions. Will these items always be on this page? If they move, how will I remember what I’ve found later? How do you pull up the recipes that you found weeks ago when it’s time to cook them now? I knew that her questions and interest points would guide what we needed to learn next. I just needed her to discover that fact as well! After several weeks with Pinterest, she is now a proficient user, saving pins to her personal board and checking out the pages of people that she is following.

The Bible app was an obvious choice for Mom to learn to use. Some of my earliest memories involve finding Mom and Dad in the living room every morning having prayer together. Before taking their petitions to the Lord, Mom spends time sitting on the end of the couch with one of her Bibles spread across her lap. Together, we looked at how easily she could switch between translations in the app and change font size to best fit the needs of her eyesight. The next morning, Mom could hardly wait to tell me how much she had gotten to read in the Bible that morning. Things were easier on her body since the print was larger and the iPad was considerably lighter than the Bible she had been reading. If she learned to use nothing else on the iPad, having the Bible available in this format every morning made it a part of her day that she thoroughly enjoyed.

Facebook was a little more daunting and took a little more work on my part. She has learned to comment on photos and write on other people’s walls. One night after preparing dinner together, Mom told me that she needed to take a picture of our meal and post it on her wall because it was so pretty. I just laughed and then helped her walk through the process of making the post. I was hoping someone would ask for the recipe so I could help her post the link, but alas…..

I must admit that there was a selfish reason for giving Mom an iPad. The two of us talk often. Honestly, my mother is my best friend. There are times that a faceless voice just doesn’t cut it; I need to see my Mama. Enter FaceTime! We practiced with the app a few times while I was sitting beside her to help her see how things worked. When driving out to west Texas, I decided to give Mom a call once I had stopped for the night in Paris, Texas. I connected to FaceTime, but the app told me Mom was unavailable. No big deal…..she was probably in the kitchen getting dinner ready, so I’ll just call her phone instead. When I called, she promptly picked up and told me that she had tried to answer the FaceTime call, but couldn’t figure out how to answer. I made another video call to Mom while I remained on the phone with her and walked her through the process. We were able to connect and spent a few minutes talking about her day and my travel while she sat at the dining room table. Yep, seeing Mom’s face when I’m not close by makes this one of my best purchases ever.

A Matter of Perspective

I’ve been thinking about perspective a lot lately. I’m gearing up for some travel this summer and plan to visit museums in most places I’ll be visiting. I’ve been flipping through some art books to get my eyes ready for the beauty I’ll see. I’m always struck by the powerful way the artists use perspective in order to convey meaning to their audience.

I was reminded of a story I recently heard about a woman who loved to garden. Carefully she planned for planting, pruning, and watering her prized flowers. One vine she was especially excited about was advertised to bear vibrant red flowers as it trailed its way along a fence. Throughout the growing season, the woman delicately cared for the vine and was encouraged as she saw the first red bud appear along her wooden fence.

Days turned into weeks and months. The vine did not deliver any additional flowers for the woman to enjoy. As the summer grew to a close, a neighbor witnessed the woman sharpening her hoe and moving for the vine that ran along the fence. Frantically, the neighbor asked why she was planning to remove the vine. She told the nosy neighbor of the hours she had spent tending the vine in hopes of having beautiful flowers. Despite her best efforts, the vine had only given her a single bloom and was clearly not worth the effort required. She was simply going to chop it down once and for all.

Silently, the neighbor took the weary gardener by the hand and led her around the wooden fence to his property. The gardener’s frustration melted into awe as she saw the multitude of crimson flowers blanketing the old wooden fence. The view was breath taking! The neighbor stood quietly next to the mesmerized gardener before breaking the silence:  “It’s all a matter of perspective, I suppose.”

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could experience such vivid reminders that our work is not fruitless? We work so hard and it seems as though things never change, circumstances never improve, and our efforts seem to mean nothing to those around. With just the slightest change in perspective, we can begin to see things as others do. That’s when we begin to understand that what seems pointless to us is bringing life, love, and value to another.

We all need a change of perspective from time to time. Sometimes the shifted point of view reveals that what we observed for ourselves was correct. Thankfully, there are other times that reveal true beauty that we had missed. Are you willing to walk around the fence and have a look from a fresh perspective? You might be surprised what you find there!