Hopes for 2022

A new year has begun. Every year, this time of the year comes with fresh hope, new dreams, and a few worries. The past two years have not been kind to any of us. It has been tough trying to just survive at times. Achieving goals has felt like too great of an ask. That’s why this year I am foregoing the standard New Year’s Resolutions. I’m just not in a place right now where I can handle the defeat of not achieving lofty goals. It’s time for me to admit to myself and to others that it is perfectly fine to not be fine at the moment. Instead, I am choosing to express some of my personal hopes for the year ahead.

I hope to reclaim much of what has been lost. The pandemic (and all of the fallout and loss that we have experienced as a result of it) has cost me dearly. In the coming year, I hope to regain my passion again — for relationships, for music, and for myself. I hope to regain my positivity. (That has been a lost commodity in my world recently.) I hope to rediscover real joy and contentment.

I also hope to learn more this year. I’m setting out on a personal educational adventure this year. Do I really know what the outcome will be? Not at all. I will be doing some work in a traditional classroom setting again as a student. I’ll also be pursuing some personal study of topics that are of interest to me.

In 2022, I hope to practice greater self-care. I don’t really know exactly what this will look like, but I want to make sure I make time for things that bring me happiness and give myself permission to simply tune out everything else in order to center my heart and mind. It might be as simple as losing myself in the pages of a novel again, working on a favorite hobby without guilt, or catching a movie with a friend. There may be more concerts and weekend excursions without a real purpose in sight. It also might mean turning off all of the electronic noise and enjoying the silence for a while.

I hope to regain my adventurousness. When COVID first entered our nation, I sat at home in fear for myself, my family, my job, and my world. That’s something I have never really dealt with before. While I became a little more relaxed about the virus after vaccination, I have continued to find myself facing dread and lots of uncertainty. I became afraid to take a chance because what had once brought excitement and adventure now just led to discomfort and unease. I became an old man emotionally rather than the youthful spirit that I had so long enjoyed. (Granted, my body has a way of reminding me regularly that I’m not as young as I once was…..but that’s a different story altogether!) So it’s time to reclaim my love for life. I’m not going to jump from a perfectly good airplane or repel down a cliff, but there are still adventures that await me. I’ve put them on hold far too long because of fear of failure, fear of getting hurt, and fear of possible defeat.

As you can see, much of what I’m hoping for in the new year is all about RECLAIMING a part of me that has been dormant for too long. You may not actually notice much of a change on the outside — I’ve been pretty good about disguising what was really happening behind the mask I wore — but it’s time for me to rip the proverbial mask off and face the ugliness that I see in the mirror. It’s time to make a change…and I can truly say that I’m ready to dare to hope once again.

Things are Changing

Change is inevitable. Sometimes it forces us to stretch ourselves. Sometimes it is uncomfortable. Sometimes we have planned for it; other times it catches us completely by surprise. Sometimes it is for our growth.

As this post goes live, I am in the process of moving — and that’s one change that I am very excited about. Everyone calm down….I’m just moving across town. There is no major relocation plans in the works. I’m not anxious to go through the process of getting the boxes out of my dilapidated 2-bedroom apartment into the third floor, 1-bedroom unit that will be my new home. (Thanks for the movers, Mom and Pop!) I am looking forward to being in a place that is beautiful and where I will want to spend time. Even though the process of moving is going to be rather painful and getting settled in the new place (and dealing with all of those stairs!) will take time, I know that this change will ultimately be a very positive one.

Other things have been changing in my world this summer. The Geriatrics finally settled into a new church home that is ultimately going to be a great place for them to worship with a strong community of believers. Pop is in the process of undergoing a battery of tests that are going to result in some significant changes for him in the coming weeks.  We are just praying that they will be as non-invasive as possible and still produce significant results. With the help of my brother, some strong backs, and a U-Haul trailer, my beloved Boston piano made its way back to Arkansas. 

This summer, I also made the decision to make a change in my blogging routine. I stopped. Writing had become a duty instead of an enjoyment and I found myself struggling to find inspiration. Instead, I tried to immerse myself in novels…..and that failed miserably as well. That’s when I decided that this summer would be one to binge in front of the tube — I caught up on movies and television series I have been intending to watch for quite a while. It wasn’t the most intellectual way to spend a summer, but I am much happier because of it. As summer began to near its end, I decided that I would return to my blogs once I returned to Plainview.

That’s when Facebook decided to make changes of their own as well. The website no longer allows me to automatically publish links to my blogs on my personal page. The only way to share the link on my page at the moment (at least, that I am aware of) is to manually publish each one as it goes live. Now we all know that is not going to happen! I’m going to do things as easily as possible and the thought of linking each post is simply another thing that I don’t want to do.

So there are changes coming to Livin’ Life. Until I find another option, this will be the last post to appear on my Facebook page. Some of you may be happy to see that your feed won’t be obstructed by their appearance. For those who want to continue following the blog, you can subscribe once you are on the homepage. The other change will be that the weekly “Hits and Misses” will not return for now. I’m not sure how long this hiatus will last. I simply found that I was spending more time providing brief accounts of my week rather than sharing stories and thoughts about how I’m experiencing the world around me. Those posts have felt like diary entries for a while instead of a chance to think through some things and let others come along for the ride. 

Just like my own life, change is a given. That’s what keeps me on my toes and enjoying the adventure as I continue Livin’ Life in West Texas. I gladly invite you to come along and watch the laughter and tears unfold.

Teach Me Something New

I love to learn new things. I always have. I guess that’s part of what drove me to spend so many years in school. I was always fascinated by the things that I didn’t know and enjoyed getting to know more about them.

My fascination with learning isn’t limited to music either. I have always been intrigued by technology and how machines and modern processes can make our lives easier. I love learning how to do things with my hands, too. It’s not uncommon to find me in the kitchen with Mom up to my elbows in dough or trying some new recipe that we have concocted. I’ve tried my hand at cross-stitching, knitting, and crocheting; only one of those explorations was ever successful. Give me a book to read and I’ll gladly explore cultures around the world and consider how things have changed for humanity throughout history. Not surprisingly, I’m also extremely interested in learning how people learn and process new information.

Just because I like to learn new things does not mean that I master everything I attempt. There have been plenty of explosive recipe attempts in the kitchen. My apartment is littered with craft projects that I failed to complete. Studying about my latest interest reveals another topic that needs to be investigated. That’s just par for the course of this lifelong learner.

The one thing that I will never understand is how some people can be so unwilling to attempt to learn new things. I can’t conceive of going through life being so fearful of failure that I refuse to attempt something new. It boggles my mind when someone demands that a process continue as it always has — even after a new method has been introduced to them. They recognize that the new method will provide a better outcome for everyone involved, yet they are unwilling — or unable — to step out of their comfort zone to embrace change. Doing the same thing over and over will eventually lead to boredom and complacency. When you continue to do things the same way and expect a different outcome…..well, according to Einstein (or at least the comment is commonly attributed to him even if there is no evidence that the scientist ever uttered the words) you are insane! Don’t go insane! For Heaven’s sake, take a chance and try to learn something different. Who knows…..you may actually discover that you like it.

As for me, when I stop learning and stop trying new things, please check my pulse. I’m either dead or comatose. Either way, I will have stopped contributing to my little corner of the world….and that’s just not how I want to live my life.

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Clearing Out the Cobwebs

Now that things are slowing down, the season of spring cleaning is upon us. It’s time to hit the closets and cupboards in search of hidden treasures that need to be brought into the light again. It’s also time to move out the outdated and unneeded. Why do we go through this torturous process each year? Like nature, it’s time to make way for newness in our lives.

Spring cleaning is also a mental exercise. It’s a time of reflection over the past year, letting go of mistakes and failures while enjoying the memories of successes. It’s a time to clear our thoughts of plans that never fully came to fruition. In the light of a new day, we get to decide whether the plans need to be fleshed out further to reappear later or if it is time to let go of them and allocate their precious mental space for new ideas and inspiration.

The entire process is a way of recovering from the past and preparing our hearts, minds, and spirits for the future. As we clear things out, we find that our energy is renewed. There is now space — in the physical, mental, and spiritual realms — for new ideas to flourish now that we have eliminated the clutter. In our new found clarity, we are able to truly experience rest.

I still need to do some spring cleaning in my living areas (a job that I completely detest), but I’m coming to the end of the mental and spiritual cleaning that needed to happen. How do I know? I’m finding myself beginning to find inspiration for new projects while experiencing the excitement that comes with them.

When the Office Became a Place of Worship

I have a soft spot for young people who sense a call into ministry as worship leaders, yet struggle with their own insecurities and feelings of inferiority. I suppose it is because I can relate personally to their struggle. As a teen, I first sensed God’s calling to use my talents in music in the area of worship. There was no one nearby to mentor me in worship ministry — an area of ministry that was just coming into its own in the late 1980s in my church. Between the questions from adults about what worship ministry would look like and my own self-doubt, I was scared to pursue my calling. You see, I’m not a gregarious person. Honestly, I prefer to be alone than with other people. Eventually I would learn that often God’s calling places us in uncomfortable situations where our weaknesses are evident so His glory can be portrayed through our faltering efforts.

Now that I have served as a worship minister for almost 20 years in various congregations, I cherish getting to watch young music ministers develop into the leaders that God intends them to be. Sometimes what I witness seems so natural for them. At other times, what I witness can be described as nothing other than a “God moment,” where His hand is clearly at work in the life of a young person and their calling is evident to everyone who witnesses it. I was fortunate to witness one of those “God moments” in the unlikeliest of places recently.

I entered a voice studio where the weekly lesson of a young struggling singer was already underway. She is confident of her calling to music ministry, yet struggles to see how things are going to turn out due to her lack of training and hurtful comments by peers. In this particular week, the lesson focused on a charming piece which quotes a scripture passage of reassurance spoken by God Himself over His people. Her initial performance was shy, reserved, and somewhat apologetic. When asked if God is apologizing in this passage, the student shared a beautiful testimony about her own journey that has led her to this place, her desire to be faithfully obedient to God’s calling, and what the lyrics of the song have spoken into her spirit recently.

Now that she had expressed her thoughts and statement of personal faith so simply, the young singer began the song again. The difference in sound was amazing. It wasn’t louder nor did it suddenly sound like a new voice. Instead, in the simplicity of her pure sound, confidence and worship was pouring out of her heart. The small voice studio was transformed into a sanctuary in that moment and God’s presence was evident. I felt as though God had arrived in that temporary place of worship to intimately receive the worship that was being offered while affirming the divine call upon this young life. All those in the room could only respond with tears; we were overwhelmed by this time of worship and the closeness of God’s presence.

Over the years, I have been involved in the lives of lots of young worship leaders and have mentored several of them personally. I can safely say that I have never witnessed or experienced anything like this before. The rest of the people in the music building in that moment had no idea what was going on in the studio in the middle of the hallway. It was such a profound moment of worship that those of us that were there will never forget it — and I, for one, will never view the work that happens in the studio in quite the same way.

Dealing with the Silence

Life in west Texas is exciting and new. For the first time, I am enjoying the opportunity to live without consideration for the schedules of family members. I’m alone…..so that means the only schedule that I have to abide by is my own.

Once the newness of my situation sank in, I also had to come to grips with some of the implications of being alone. There are lots of quiet times to spend with my own thoughts. If I’m not careful, these “quiet” times can become very lonely. I quickly realized that I had to learn the difference between “being alone” and “being lonely.” It’s nice to be alone with my own thoughts occasionally. I enjoy the relaxed pace of life as a bachelor. When the tide turns and I begin to experience loneliness, I have found a few tricks to help me navigate the dark times and turn my attitude around.

• Establish a Routine. Even though a solitary lifestyle does not demand conforming to the schedules of other people, establishing a regular routine for your activities can provide a sense of security in times of uncertainty. The routine also causes the mind to focus on important events that are coming on the horizon. If I have a chore to complete sometime in the future, I am less likely to object to the calm times that can sometimes lead to loneliness.
• Remind Yourself of Activities You Enjoy Doing Alone. If you are anything like me, there are multiple activities that I personally enjoy that had to take a backseat to other people’s schedules. Now that I’m living alone, I have time to devote to these — and can even make them a priority. I’m finding time to sit and listen to an album, read a short story, and complete jigsaw puzzles and craft projects that had been tossed aside for many years. However, it is also important that you understand that the activity’s pleasure does not replace your need for human interaction.
• Seek Social Situations. As we encounter people throughout our day, it is important that the single person recognize and embrace opportunities to enjoy the company of others in social situations. It can be easy to turn down an invitation to a movie night or a dinner outing when we feel as though we are going to be a “third wheel.” Look for other singles who might be looking for a friend. They are everywhere around you — at work, next door, and in the church. Remember that you are not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship and trust that others understand this concept as well. Don’t let society’s ideas about your life — and the perceived relationships you should have in your life — impact your pursuit of honest friendships.
• Regularly Access Your Emotional Condition. You know when loneliness is plaguing you better than anyone else. When your emotions are hitting the skids, take the initiative and make the necessary steps to pull yourself out of the dumps. If you have struggled with depression in the past, it is imperative that you have a trusted friend to whom you will be accountable.
• Take Advantage of Technology. With email, cell phones, and social media, it is very easy to stay in touch with those most important to us — regardless of the distance that separates us. When words just won’t suffice, go for face-to-face interactions through apps such as Skype and FaceTime. A video chat will help to alleviate the loneliness and tide you over until you are able to make a trip to see your loved ones in person.

I’ve learned a lot in the past month about dealing with the silence and overcoming the problems of loneliness. At times, I now find that I greatly value being alone with my thoughts and resent interruptions from the outside world — even when those interrupting have the best of intentions. Even in those times of solitude, I know that it is important that I stay connected with others as I continue to learn how best to deal with the silence of life.

 

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Unpleasant (But Necessary) Work

There are certain tasks we all despise. We will do anything to delay the unpleasant duty. We know that the work becomes more intense the longer we avoid it, but still we choose to enjoy our current decision to delay the inevitable. Why is it so easy to put off dealing with an unpleasant necessity? When will we learn that quick action will ultimately give us greater relief and rest?

I’m struggling with this right now. If there is one task I hate, it is the tediousness of packing. I’m excited to move and look forward to the adventures that await. I realize that I will want my belongings with me when I arrive. I’m certain that boxing things up gradually will make the process easier. Still, I would much rather watch paint dry than pack another box!

The issue is not one of laziness (although I can enjoy a lazy day with the best of them). I think my issue is one of control. What if I pack something and then realize that I need it again? Right now, I can easily lay my hands on things. Once things go into boxes, despite my best labeling efforts, they are essentially lost to me. The more things I pack, the more I feel completely out of control in my world until I arrive in Texas.

It’s also due to the enormous size of the task. After packing things up for a week, it doesn’t appear that I’ve made any progress. Truthfully, the added boxes just feel as though there is more to deal with and I question if I’ll be ready for the move in time. Offers to help with the packing from family just make me more overwhelmed. In order to let them help, I have to be able to give instructions on what needs to go. In some ways, I think it would be easier to pack the entire house instead of gathering my belongings that are located throughout my parents’ home.

Lastly, it’s difficult to pack since I don’t know where I’m going. I have not secured housing in Plainview yet. So I don’t know how much room I will realistically have. How much furniture will I need? Will there be enough space or do I need to edit my belongings while packing? I am not terribly stressed about my Texas living options yet, but I know that finally having a new home waiting for me will give me a fire to get ready for the move. Until then, I had better get back to packing!

If I Had Another Career…

I absolutely love my job! It is thrilling to make music on a daily basis in various styles and settings. I didn’t always plan on being a pianist. As a child, I thought I would be a teacher. I’m luck that I get to live out my childhood dream of teaching as well as continuing to develop my own skills as a performer and musician.

While commuting to a morning rehearsal last weekend, I began to wonder what I might be doing if I hadn’t found my way to music. What careers do I think I would have liked to try?

What I quickly realized is that I have developed multiple interests and skills throughout my life. I narrowed the list to four careers I think I might have enjoyed exploring.

Since I like to read and write so much, work as an editor would be fun. I’m fascinated by the process of raising questions that help an author find focus, clarifying their message. Along the same lines, my joy in helping others became the best person they can be makes me consider work as a counselor. I have experienced a bit of peer counseling while serving in ministry. I enjoyed seeing people consider new options that led to changes. My frustrations in ministry were often associated with people continuing down destructive paths.

I have become a planner and organizer in recent years. I have gotten to plan several vacations for my family and really enjoyed doing it. Since I value rest and relaxation so much, work as a travel agent might have been a good fit. I would probably spend the majority of my income visiting destinations of all sorts in the name of job-related research!

My mother has instilled a love of experimenting in the kitchen. I’ve also developed quite a sweet tooth. Why not become a pastry chef? There would only be a few downsides — the fact that I would only be able to wear pants with elastic waistbands and that I would have to wash the dishes more frequently!

Even though these careers seem as though they would be fun at first, I think I will stick to my life as a musician as long as I am physically (and financially) able. After all, it is the work that I was created for, so nothing else could ever be as fulfilling!

Going Through the Motions

Why do we feel it necessary to do things we don’t want to do in order to appease others? I had a recent conversation with members of my family about just this topic while making plans for the weekend. They found themselves attending events out of a sense of perceived duty rather than actual desire. Why do we so often feel as though we must do things to please others?

I get the idea that we sometimes do things for the greater good or as part of a larger team. What I struggle with is investing time in activities continually that do not benefit me as an individual. Am I really going to constantly work additional hours if I’m not compensated for them? Probably not. How long do I continue in an activity that is emotionally draining just because I perceive that my presence is expected? At what point do I accept the fact that I have the right and responsibility to do what makes me happy?

I’m all for living a life of service. I try to do things for the greater good on a regular basis. When any action becomes an act of laborious duty, however, it’s time to evaluate its role in my life. The truth of the matter is that if I’m not experiencing some level of joy from my participation, I’m probably not contributing very much by just going through the motions anyway. When I come to this realization, it may be time for a significant change.  I guess the image below from Laurie Wallin (a speaker, writer, and Life Coach) sums up my feelings better than anything else:

Time to Get Rid of the Noise

The weekend is coming and I am looking forward to relaxing a bit. My parents have also had a busy week; relaxation is on their agendas as well. Our definitions of “relaxing” vary greatly though.

My dad will plop down into a leather recliner with the clicker balanced on the wooden arm. Once he turns on the television Saturday morning, the square monster will continue to blare until he retires for the night. Mom will probably busy herself with various household chores that were left undone before gliding into the cushiony softness of the couch. While television is extremely entertaining (a glance at my calendar will reveal my prime time favorites), the noise that it brings is not always relaxing. Sometimes I really just want to shut the box off and escape the chattering of the talking heads. I just want to turn the TV off for a while.

For many in our society, silence and solitude is uncomfortable. When there is nothing outside of ourselves to hear, we actually begin to listen to our inner voice. That’s when we begin to hear gentle words of encouragement, reproof, direction, and challenge. When the noise is removed, our mind has to become our source of information and entertainment. We no longer are led aimlessly by an immoral society.

I’m not saying that television is evil. I just think that it holds too much sway in American culture. What would happen if we silenced the boob tube for a few hours each day and listened carefully? Our families would be strengthened as relationships were rekindled through conversation. Imagination and knowledge would regain the prized positions they held in prior generations. We would reconnect with the Spirit, growing in faith and love. 

I think it’s time to begin controlling the talking box rather than being controlled by it. It’s time to eliminate some of the noise and start to really listen. You just might be surprised by what you begin to hear!